100 Facts of Life with the Transformers
by A'isha Ishtar
Summary: There are certain things you learn from keeping giant alien robots as your main company. I'd like to tell you the things I've learned from living on both sides of the war; the Autobots and the Decepticons. This isn't a rule book... it's more like an explanation of things I've found out. Some are good. Some are bad. But all of them have changed my life forever.


**Well, I love doing those little list things, you know? They're so funny and I have a good time coming up with hilarious stuff to put in them.**

**BUT. I also like exploring the somewhat more tragic or mysterious side of my fandoms. Especially the Transformers. My favorite way to do it is to have a human character thrown into the middle of the Autobots or Decepticons and discovering all sorts of things about them that very few people in the canon universe know.**

**I don't always feel like doing a plot though, because I have way too many plots I need to finish anyway. I just couldn't resist doing something like this. Some of it makes me sad when I read over it, and some of it makes me smile.**

**I guess my little character in here doesn't have a name. Uhh, let's see... shall we vote on one for her? She needs a name! So should it be...**

**Trisha;**

**Juliette;**

**or... uhh...**

**Cassie?**

**Well, these started out as drabbles (100-500 words) but as this progresses they may become more along the lines of ficlets for each "fact". They're already getting longer towards the end, lol. And depending on how many I can come up with or how many ideas I receive, the title may change from 100 to more. :)**

**Suggestions are welcome, as always! I love incorporating what other people think.**

**Hope you all enjoy! :D**

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**1. Optimus needs encouragement.**

Optimus Prime may be the leader of the Autobots, but even when he's leading them into battle... well... he doubts himself a lot, let's leave it at that. He always _gives_ 100%, but that doesn't mean his confidence is always _at_ 100%. I've seen him when it's less than 50%, and it's not a pretty sight. It would break your heart. It's broken the hearts and sparks of people stronger than I am.

The best thing you can do for him is let him know how much you need him. What I find works is to first climb up beside him, or into his servo, so you're close to him. Next, just put yourself against him - your head on his leg, a hug around one of his digits, whatever. Then you say something to motivate him. My favorite thing to say is something about how we're all right here beside him, that we're not going anywhere, and that we need him more than he realizes.

It also helps if you sit there with him for a while. It kind of reinforces the fact that he's not alone, and that you don't want to leave because you need him. I like it when I can hear his sparkbeat, and I fall asleep on him. I always wake up in my own room.

You just have to remember to do it every so often. He can get pretty down on himself, and do you really think any of his team are going to do it? Bumblebee, maybe, but it's usually my job because Bee says I do it better.

We're always going to be together. Optimus just needs to be reminded... none of us are alone, especially him.

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**2. Megatron doesn't treat you like he does just for the hell of it.**

Believe it or not, Megatron actually has his reasons, and... they're not bad ones either. Because you're the only human in his ranks, it might seem like he's treating you unfairly, differently from his other soldiers. For one thing, it's entirely possible to think that you're being punished _way_ more than, say, Soundwave. But that's not true. (First of all, _everyone_ gets punished way more than Soundwave. He never gets more than a slap on the wrist. Just accept that fact and you'll be happier.)

Megatron may be a sadist, but when he punishes you, trust me, he's not getting his robo-rocks off on it. He'll get you for every little infraction of rules, and a lot of nights you'll have to go to sleep in the brig next to Starscream, curled up in a little ball and crying and not being able to stop.

The good thing is that more often than not, Megatron apologizes when he's done something over-the-top, and he knows when his punishments are disproportionate to whatever you did. His apology won't really be more than a claw stroked down your hair, or a brief ride in his servo, but I'm thankful for even that. It doesn't happen too often.

Honestly... he's just paranoid about this sort of thing, okay? Humans are delicate, and as much time as he spends trying to kill them, he _will_ go full-on "papa wolf" if any of _his_ humans are harmed by any hand but his own. He just wants to keep you with him, and if there's even the slightest hint that you want to leave, he'll take care of that.

He's a jealous mech, but remember: it's his way of showing you he cares. It may not seem like it at first, but... he does. It's impossible to miss. I know he does.

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**3. Ironhide's war stories are amazing to hear, but he doesn't like telling them.**

Ironhide is probably the bravest mech you'll ever meet. He never surrenders, and he'll fight to the very end for his cause no matter what. He likes to push his limits if you're in danger, because he _does_ like us humans. You wouldn't know it by how much he complains about us, but he loves us with every bit of his hardened spark. He wants to see us survive and grow.

He's fought in so many battles, it would put my grandpa to shame - and my grandpa fought in World War II. The things Ironhide has done, the risks and the sacrifices, easily put you in a state of shock and awe when you listen to them. He has a lot of scars, inside and out; you can usually only see that one over his optic, but trust me... that's not the only one.

Once I asked him how he got that scar on his eye ridge. He told me it had been one of the battles early in the war, when he was younger. He'd been trained well, he said, but the problem was a lack of experience. He ran into a Seeker who could use his wings as swords - he never said who it was, but my suspicion is that it was Starscream. He snuck up on 'Hide, who turned around just in time to avoid being totally decapitated, but not fast enough to fully escape his first scar.

He's the strongest person I've ever known, but telling the war stories wears him out quickly. It's the memories, I think; he's watched so many people he cared about go offline during those same battles. Some of them, he was right by their side, holding them as they cycled their vents for the last time. You may be glad he was one who survived... talking about it, though, just makes him remember everyone who didn't.

He's got all of us now, new comrades, and he's grateful for us. He loves us, and he doesn't want us to die if there's something he can do about it. He will fight with everything he's got in him for us, which is more than I can say I'd do.

But we don't replace everyone he's lost.

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**4. Seeker wings are ticklish.**

From your experiences talking to Starscream (as he's one of the only ones who isn't openly racist against humans), you'll find out that a Seeker's wings are very sensitive, and that they don't like having them touched. At all. Let's just say that if we were touching them, you better be either part of their trine, their mate, or a hell of a close friend.

I consider this something that makes them more relatable. _I_ for one hate people playing with my hair; it's annoying and some people are rough. So that gives me a bit of insight on how a Seeker feels about having their wings touched. Unwelcome and most of all, an invasion of their privacy. You wouldn't just randomly go up and touch someone else's you-know-whats, would you? So think of a Seeker's wings as their you-know-whats. It's indecent, it's rude, and it's very awkward to them.

That being said, Starscream and his trine don't usually mind you poking at their wings to get their attention. In fact, they told me it's the best way to get their attention if I _really_ want it. I personally stay away from doing that most of the time, just out of respect.

When Megatron's in a particularly bad mood, especially close to nighttime, one of the Seekers will probably grab you and let you sleep in their quarters, cramped as they are. They're protective of you, and after all it's more likely that Megatron's rage would be displaced onto a human rather than his Cybertronian army.

One night, it was Starscream who got me. That night was a _really_ awful day for Megatron's temper, and I was too afraid to sleep. I was scared he was going to suddenly burst in and kill both of us. And when I'm scared, I have a tendency to not sit still. I was climbing all over Starscream, while he was doing his best to ignore me and enter recharge.

I accidentally got onto one of his wings, and nearly fell off so I was grabbing and clawing at them in an attempt not to become a little pile of human goo on his floor. And then I noticed him laughing, right before he snatched me off his wing and condemned me to the prison of his claws, which was how we slept that night.

He told me later _never_ to use that quick-scratching-back-and-forth motion near his wings ever again. It tickled something terrible and he didn't want Megatron hearing the laughter and coming in to slag us.

It's funny the kinds of things you learn sometimes. These guys are so different from us, but... we're more alike than either of us would care to admit.

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**5. Skids and Mudflap can't help how they act. They just want to fit in.**

Most of the time, the Chevy twins don't exactly see what they're doing as offensive. They love Earth's culture - particularly the rapping and "gangsta" stuff - and it may not register in your mind at first, but they _are_ just kids. Kids copy everything that they're interested in. I once had a cousin who, for a full year, kept telling Prowl that he was a Ninja Turtle in disguise. (Prowl didn't believe him, but that's beside the point.)

You know what they say: imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Skids and Mudflap only act like obnoxious wiggers because, like I said, they _adore_ that part of Earth's culture. They see it as a way for them to be closer to us by way of emulating some of the most prominent things they've seen on the internet and television. This raises the question of what the hell they've been watching, but I digress. The point is, all they're trying to do is get you to like them.

Also, they don't like other people to know, but... when they first landed on Earth, they had a bit of bad luck. They ran into a small band of Decepticons, and were taken hostage before any of the other Autobots could reach them. No one's entirely sure what happened except for maybe the 'Cons, and they're not telling; but when Arcee and Cliffjumper broke them out, their behaviors were odd enough to warrant a scan and full work-up from Ratchet.

You'll probably get the whole story after being _monumentally_ annoyed by them, yelling something awful at them, and then hiding somewhere you think you won't be found. Except one of the Arcee sisters _will_ find you. In my case it was Chromia, who's probably one of my best femme-friends, thanks to our mutual closeness with Ironhide. (Think Facebook's friend suggestions for you, but in real life with giant robots.) And she'll tell you what the scans revealed - that whatever the 'Cons did, it seriously messed with the Chevy twins' processors.

They didn't used to be so impressionable, Chromia told me, and I believed her because she knew them a long time before I did. Combine the fact that they're young with the processor damage they received, and you can kind of see why they're this way. They don't really know any better, and they probably never will. They just want you to like them, and they think that mimicry of something commonplace is the best way to do that. And as I learned, it's best to just apologize and have a big group hug because it isn't fair to blame them for something that isn't entirely their fault. And yelling just hurts feelings.

So... give them a break once in a while. I know their heads aren't in the right place, but... their sparks are.

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**Well, I hope this was some food for thought! It certainly was for me, and I'm off to chew on some more... care to send some ingredients my way? 8D**

**I hope you all liked, and thank you so much for reading! ^^**


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